Yes it has been a while...things have been crazy and out of control. I am sure it is the same for us all so I will get better I promise.
Here is what I have on my mind right now.....
I was listening to a podcast yesterday (something else I am trying to do more of) and they were talking about authenticity. I had not really thought about it until then but they defined it as your outside self and inside self are the same. After much thought, that makes a lot of sense. We all feel a certain way or are one person on the inside but what we project out to the public is what we want everyone else to see. It is often not our true selves.
This concept blew my mind and got me wondering, what am I projecting? I know it is not my true self because if it were, I wouldn't feel so defeated. I would have better control over the chaos and stress that I feel. I would be doing what I am truly compelled to do and not worry about what others thought or how they see me. I would be more whole instead of being a shell for my true self.
I would be authentic.
I think I was close once to being that person but what happened? I caved to social convention. I let others around me dictate who I should be or how they think I am instead of being true to who I am, how I feel and what I want to do with the rest of my life.
This double life is not new to me, as I am sure it is not for most people. The convergence of the inside and outside are much closer than they once were but still just out of reach. We are all a work in progress so it would make sense that we are always working to find that completeness, that true full connecting of our two sides - what we truly are inside and what we choose to share with the world.
So it has me wondering, are we ever truly fully authentic or is it a pipe dream? If we are constantly choosing what we show the world versus who we are inside then that would mean that no one is truly authentic, at least now all the time.
For me, when my mind calms and I let go of the chaos and stress that I put on myself and let others put on me, I am close. I feel like a weight is lifted and I am free to be what I want to be. The issue is that this intersection of my true self outside occurs in private. In private, we can often calm the chaos, let go of all the noise of political correctness, placate the constant pressure of what society and others want us to be and we have a brief view of our true authentic self. Then we are pulled back into reality.
I always told my children to be themselves and if someone didn't like you for who you are then they don't deserve your time.
Good advice but can we always "walk that walk"? Will the world that we live in right now allow us to be fully authentic? Do we even want to be fully authentic?
Here is what I am striving for....
Let out the "beast" more often and not care what anyone says or thinks
Be more of who I want to be and not what anyone expects me to be
Do more of the things that I want and not as much of what others think I should do
Take my own advice and be myself even if it sometimes offends, that is their problem not mine
Find that balance of inside self and what I show to the world
I believe that if I commit to doing these more often, I will be closer to my authentic self. I don't think I will ever have a true connection between the two sides, at least not all the time, however it will bring me to a more centered person. I will know that I am doing everything that I can to be true to me.
I honestly don't think that there is anyone that is perfectly matched inside and out. We never reach that full perfect state of authenticity and stay there. That's okay as long as you are trying and can find that balance that works.
I think that is when you will feel like you are being authentic, your true self.
