Tuesday, February 16, 2021

Authenticity, Myth or Reality

 Yes it has been a while...things have been crazy and out of control. I am sure it is the same for us all so I will get better I promise.

Here is what I have on my mind right now.....

I was listening to a podcast yesterday (something else I am trying to do more of) and they were talking about authenticity. I had not really thought about it until then but they defined it as your outside self and inside self are the same. After much thought, that makes a lot of sense. We all feel a certain way or are one person on the inside but what we project out to the public is what we want everyone else to see. It is often not our true selves.

This concept blew my mind and got me wondering, what am I projecting? I know it is not my true self because if it were, I wouldn't feel so defeated. I would have better control over the chaos and stress that I feel. I would be doing what I am truly compelled to do and not worry about what others thought or how they see me. I would be more whole instead of being a shell for my true self.

I would be authentic.

I think I was close once to being that person but what happened? I caved to social convention. I let others around me dictate who I should be or how they think I am instead of being true to who I am, how I feel and what I want to do with the rest of my life.

This double life is not new to me, as I am sure it is not for most people. The convergence of the inside and outside are much closer than they once were but still just out of reach. We are all a work in progress so it would make sense that we are always working to find that completeness, that true full connecting of our two sides - what we truly are inside and what we choose to share with the world.

So it has me wondering, are we ever truly fully authentic or is it a pipe dream? If we are constantly choosing what we show the world versus who we are inside then that would mean that no one is truly authentic, at least now all the time.

For me, when my mind calms and I let go of the chaos and stress that I put on myself and let others put on me, I am close. I feel like a weight is lifted and I am free to be what I want to be. The issue is that this intersection of my true self outside occurs in private. In private, we can often calm the chaos, let go of all the noise of political correctness, placate the constant pressure of what society and others want us to be and we have a brief view of our true authentic self. Then we are pulled back into reality.

I always told my children to be themselves and if someone didn't like you for who you are then they don't deserve your time.

Good advice but can we always "walk that walk"? Will the world that we live in right now allow us to be fully authentic? Do we even want to be fully authentic?

Here is what I am striving for....

  • Let out the "beast" more often and not care what anyone says or thinks

  • Be more of who I want to be and not what anyone expects me to be

  • Do more of the things that I want and not as much of what others think I should do

  • Take my own advice and be myself even if it sometimes offends, that is their problem not mine

  • Find that balance of inside self and what I show to the world

I believe that if I commit to doing these more often, I will be closer to my authentic self. I don't think I will ever have a true connection between the two sides, at least not all the time, however it will bring me to a more centered person. I will know that I am doing everything that I can to be true to me.

I honestly don't think that there is anyone that is perfectly matched inside and out. We never reach that full perfect state of authenticity and stay there. That's okay as long as you are trying and can find that balance that works.

I think that is when you will feel like you are being authentic, your true self.

Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Motivation is Hard

Getting and staying motivated especially when it comes to diet and exercise is hard. I will be the first to admit that it has not been easy, however it does get better the more you stick with it.
The ability to ignore the self-doubt and the destructive self talk that tries to destroy your progress or talk you out of that workout or into eating something that you shouldn't does come easier. It takes every ounce of willpower you have some days but it is all worth it.
In my weight loss journey, I often struggled with motivation issues in the beginning. It is all part of the process. You have to figure out what motivates you and use that every time to get and keep you moving in the right direction.
For me, that motivation came from not wanting to be in the same unfit shape that I was in when I was in my 20s, 30s and 40s. For three decades, I had struggled with up and down weight, being motivated for a while to go to the gym and do exercise, eat the right things, watch my portions and then I would fall into my old habits and all that I had accomplished soon went out the door.
This time was different, this time I knew that if I didn't stay focused that I would stay in that same hamster wheel. There were times that I got stuck but in those times, I reflected on how far I had come.
I was getting stuck on the fact that I had stopped losing at 75 pounds but not taking into account that I had LOST 75 FREAKING POUNDS!!! That is motivation enough to keep you focused, at least for me.
Everybody has those moments of weakness. You know the ones, the ones where you can't resist that extra piece of cheesy, greasy pizza or that cake is your favorite so you just have to have a slice.
Honestly, it is not weakness. It is your body saying, I have worked hard for this, I deserve this! I am not saying overdo it and eat the whole pizza or whole cake but let yourself cheat sometimes. You work hard to stay motivated and sometimes the reward of a little cheat is just what you need.
Another thing lately that has kept me focused and motivated since the scale has quit moving but I can see a difference in the way my body is transforming and clothes are fitting is I have found a group of like-minded individuals. It is important to find a group that will support you, tell you when you are doing a great job, see the progress when you don't and tell you it is okay when you trip a little on your journey. There are many groups like this on Facebook, Instagram or other social media platforms. You may also find a group of friends at work, school or church that could become your accountability/motivation team.
For me, the Jillian Michaels Workout Junkies on FB is a very inspirational group of ladies that I am thankful that I have found recently since like I said....
Motivation is Hard but you got to work to stay focused and remember your WHY.

Tuesday, September 18, 2018

The Beginning

Before I embark on this blog journey and start working toward inspiring and motivating others to be in the best shape of their lives no matter what age they are, I thought it would be important to share  what got me to this point.   Besides, it is usually better to start at the beginning to understand the entire journey.

I was always had a little weight on me until about middle and high school when you start getting that pressure to fit into a certain mold.  It was at that point that was thin and weighed 120 pounds but like most teenagers I didn't eat healthy and sure didn't work out.  My junior year I met my soon to be first husband and gained 20 pounds rather quickly.  His family was Italian and Moma always made sure that you were eating and of course I was not one to turn it down.  While I try to blame this weight gain on all the pasta and bread that I was suddenly eating, it was obviously the fact that I was not eating right and exercising.  The pasta was merely an excuse for me.

We got married and by time I got pregnant with our daughter, I was up to 160 and used pregnancy as an excuse to eat.  Looking back, there were other factors at play but that was covered in my self discovery blog (thatgirlinstl.wordpress.com).  Anyway, by the time I was 9 months pregnant I had ballooned to a whopping 200 pounds! 



I did dedicate myself to lose weight after she was born but once I got pregnant again, it was all down hill from there.  I continued to gain weight and at least tried to workout but weighed in at about 230 pounds.  I was not happy in my life and in turn didn't take care of myself.  I didn't like myself but was not willing to do anything to change it.

I was fortunate enough to have friends that cared and introduced me to running and spinning.  Running/speed walking became a release for me and it was my time to clear my mind and it just be me, my music and the sound of my shoes hitting the pavement.  I ran a few 5Ks and was finally getting into some sort of physical activity but it was still not enough to keep me fully interested.  I still ate the same way so I was eating away any progress that I had made.


When I made the move to St Louis and was plunged into a single life, running again became my companion.  It was what kept me sane and kept me from breaking down and feeling sorry for myself.  While training for my first half marathon, my plantar fasciitis started acting up and I pushed too hard leading to a severe ankle injury.  I let this ankle injury sideline me and the cycle of being unhealthy began again.

At 49 2/12, 254 pounds, horrible pain in most of my joints, my ankles and knees hurting so bad that there is no way that I can run or exercise, tired all the time and snoring badly, I knew that it was time to take control.  I had been controlled my whole life by the factors around me.  I had let those factors take over.  It was time that I became the one in control.  Knowing that I had a 50th birthday coming up in 11 months and that there was no time better than the present, I finally dedicated myself to become "50 FIT AND FABULOUS".

I had been controlled my whole life by the factors around me.  I had let those factors take over.  It was time that I became the one in control.

I talked with my doctor and with his help, put together a "weight loss stack" of weight loss pills and vitamins.  That along with changing my eating lifestyle and working out, I have been able to lose 80 pounds.  

I turned 50 on September 2 and am in the best shape of my life! 

I am "50 FIT AND FABULOUS"!

I am never going back and plan to share the rest of my journey and inspiration here to help others to be FABULOUS no matter what age you are! 

I will also be sharing what's next on this journey in coming blogs.  

STAY FIT! STAY FOCUSED! STAY FABULOUS!


Authenticity, Myth or Reality

  Yes it has been a while... things have been crazy and out of control. I am sure it is the same for us all so I will get better I promi...